It Was Worth It

I'm sitting here, trying to figure out  what exactly I want this LAST blog post to be and how I want to go about writing it. I feel as if no amount of words, in any form or fashion, will EVER be enough to tell you all how much you truly mean to me. But I'm going to do my very best, in the hopes that my unfiltered thoughts may do my real feelings justice. Try to stick with me.

An Ode
26 letters will never be enough,
To explain what you mean to me,
So I'll spend the rest of my life,
Expanding the English language,
In the hopes that one day,
Someone much more talented than I,
Will be able to tell the world,
About your heart.

How it beats louder than the sound of an atomic bomb,
Giving a rhythm to the marching feet of martyrs:
Superheroes who bear no capes,
But will still somehow save the world.

I hope they stamp your story,
Onto every textbook page,
And make passion,
A part of the curriculum.

Your legacy will lie in those passionate capeless superheroes,
Who will leave smoke trails in their wake,
As they set this world on fire,
Bringing light on to the darkest days.

You see, I wanted to write you a poem,
But there are simply no words to describe,
How beautiful you are,
Or how much brighter the sun seems to beam when you smile.
So instead I wrote you into a poem,
Because words may never be enough,
But you, my dear, always will be. 


A Promise
I am a product of people.
These people have made me into something beautiful.
Something strong.
Something positive.
Loving.
Brave.
Sensitive.
An inspiring leader.
A caring friend.
A knowledge hungry, life long learner.
They have gifted me with nothing but love, acceptance, and understanding.
Gifts much too large to repay.
So, instead,
I will take all I've been given,
And carry it with me into the future.
I will carry you with me.
And somehow, someway, someday,
I'll make you proud.

In Hindsight
It was worth it.
Every late sleepless night.
Every seemingly pointless assignment.
Every policy change.
Every stress-induced emotional breakdown.
It was all worth it.
And now we're standing,
Together,
On the other side, looking back,
And I know,
I wouldn't hesitate to do it all over again.

Carpe Diem, my dear friends. Sieze this day, and all the ones before you. Make your lives extraordinary. And know, I'll always be here for you, watching from the sidelines, and cheering you on. I love every one of you with every ounce of my being, and I can't wait to see all the ways you change the world.

Whit in God's Name..?

If there are two things I love more than other things, it's journals and poetry. I've been writing poetry for as long as I can remember. A few years back, I started keeping a journal of things I deemed inspiring. Quotes. Doodles. Poems. Song lyrics. Anything I felt was too beautiful to forget.

In reading them, you can learn a lot about me, my experiences, and the way I view life. This works much the same way with other people who write, journal, compose music, dance, or create visual art. Our dear friend, Walt Whitman, is no exception.

Yep. He's got lots of feelings.

In scrolling through Whitman's journal, I pulled out quite a few phrases, ideas, and words I felt were important to take note of.

The first thing I noticed was Walt Whitman's idea for a "dialogue between the president elect" and himself. This idea was present throughout the journal, with portraits of Whitman and Lincoln sketched into the back.

There were also two drafts of poetry included in this journal. One titled "The Halls of Brooklyn" with a few lines scrawled beneath, and the other titled "Ship of Libertad". The latter had much more content and seemed to connect a lot to the idea of universal themes and metaphors. It reads, "Welcome the star-Welcome the trial-let the waves. Why now I shall see what the old ship is made of. Anybody can sail before a fair wind, a smooth sea..." and reminded me a lot of one of my favorite quotes by Mark Twain.

It may seem like just a poem about a boat, but in reality, it's Whitman's challenge, to himself and others, to invite hardship into one's life. Because it is through struggle and adversity that we grow stronger. This is just one example of how Whitman explores, and invites readers to explore and contemplate along with him, universal themes.

This intent is also made clear through the discernible words which speckle Whitman's journal. Words such as "lessons," "conscience," "philosophy," "questions," and "reasons".

Probably my favorite thing I was able to make out, however, was in the fifth image. It reads, "The Jew, the Christ...there is love." Which to me, says a lot about the universal theme of religion and religious tension. Whitman expresses a sort of hope and belief that people of different faiths can coexist. What better message for this lovely Easter/Passover weekend? (:

My favorite quote from this page, now entirely readable from the typed transcriptions: "I surround all, and dare not make a single exclusion." It seems my thoughts were pretty spot on! I like the idea of reconciling religions as also being indicative of the time period of the Civil War and Whitman's wishes for national peace.

By the looks of these journal pages, Whitman is a pretty idealistic, hopeful, positive person, despite his personal challenges. He truly believes that a global peace can exist amongst people of different nationalities, political backgrounds, and religions. And that's pretty darn awesome.

On that note of historical idealistic positivity in the form of poetry, I've decided to share one of my own pieces with you all! It hasn't quite made it into the journal yet and it has no title.

Gripping the rails,

With trembling fingers,

And even worse,

A trembling heart.

I've climbed this ladder,

And I'm standing on the edge of the universe,

Staring at the crowded clusters of cosmos,

Looking for some astrological sign that it's okay to turn back.

But all my fate tells me is that I am fulfilling a legacy.

Up high,

With no time to fall,

Paper tigers on leashes,

Walking in moon-dusted small steps,

I'm hand in hand with all the flyers before me who have defied logic.

And if the Wrights can go from bikes to biplanes,

And Amelia can soar over the Atlantic,

While Neil's making leaps for mankind,

Then certainly I,

Can take the plunge,

Walk over and say,

Hello.

Hope you all enjoyed the long weekend and this long blog post!

You May Say That I'm a Dreamer...

But, hey, I'm not the only one, right?

Everyone has their own personal "American Dream," and they all look a little different.

Kinda like fingerprints!

Everyone grows up with dreams and aspirations. Some are family-oriented, others fueled by career goals or a thirst for adventure. Sadly, not everyone is able to fulfill the optimistic dreams they conjure up in their youth years.

There are many reasons for the deaths of these American Dreams. The first one that comes to mind is a lack of opportunities/education due to poverty.

 I agree with many of my peers that Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (which we recently studied in psychology) plays a big role in this idea of wealth/poverty, and the American Dream.

 One's American Dream exists in the top "Self-actualization" tier of Maslow's Hierarchy. But, in order for someone to get to that place of being able to fulfill their potential, they must first meet the needs laid out in the bottom four tiers.

When living in poverty, people don't have the monetary necessities to meet the physiological and safety needs. Thus, they can't ever move on to work on realizing their American Dream because they're too focused on securing their next meal. For more than 46 million Americans, this is a reality.

 For those that are able to meet their most basic needs, their American Dream is still not guaranteed. Connecting to the next level in the hierarchy, in my experience, the biggest dream killer can be one's own family and friends.

When my older brother was a senior in high school, I remember him having conversations with my parents about college majors and possible schools. I remember he expressed interest in majoring in English and becoming a writer but my parents strongly dissuaded him. They felt that he wouldn't make any money as a writer, so they encouraged him to pursue writing as a hobby alongside something more practical.

And that's exactly what he did.

That's a huge flaw in the idea of the American Dream: practicality. People are too focused on finances and job security to pursue their true passions. Maybe that's one reason only 1 in 3 Americans were considered "very happy" in this 2013 poll.

But the poll also shows that Americans, now more than ever, are placing less emphasis on wealth and its role in a happy life.

So maybe the tides are turning.

As my friends begin committing to colleges, exploring majors and career options, just as my brother did so many years ago, I see evidence of this change. Many are choosing to pursue careers in music, acting, visual art, and directing, not giving a single thought to money, because those are the things they're passionate about.

I wish I knew exactly what my American Dream consisted of, but I'm still in the process of figuring things out. I've considered becoming a pediatrician, an EMT, an aquatic veterinarian, a writer, an editor, a social worker, a teacher, or even joining the military. So who knows where I'll really end up.

There are a few things I know for sure:

I have a dream to be as brave as those mentioned above: pursuing passion for passion's sake.

I have a dream to do something meaningful-not necessarily to change the world, but to change someone's world.

I have a dream to love, and be loved. 

I have a dream to be content, to have what I need, and to love what I have.

Another Blog Post!?! Do I Kafka?

Nope.

Just in case that got lost in translation, let's try the following:
No.
Nuh-uh.
Non.
#Nah.

And what do all those translate to!?! Freebie!

Because Mrs. Genesky used the wrong affect/effect, I'm bad at analyzing literature, and all those translations suck. After all, nothing really matters.

I'm with ya, Calvin.

What do Abraham Lincoln, Dr. Seuss, and Hailey All Have in Common? Let's (IO)C...

They're all short, sweet and to the point.

Lincoln's Gettysburg address was less than 275 words in length!

Dr. Seuss' best book (arguably) was written after someone bet the literary M.D. couldn't write a book using less than 50 words.

Now while the above instances of succinctness may have lead to timeless quotable pieces of American history, my brevity might lead to me failing English! :P Seriously, I can't ever seem to get these things over 4 minutes.

Anyway, here's my selected passage which can be found in Macbeth, at the end of Act I, Scene III:

Here's my practice IOC:

And here's my self-evaluation:

Criterion A:  5

I believe I established good context at the beginning of my presentation and showed a sufficient amount of knowledge concerning the origin of the text. I also supported every point I made with some reference to the text but wasn't always well focused on what exactly I was trying to prove.

Criterion B: 3

I definitely mentioned literary devices but talked more about their overall effect on the work and events within it, rather than the effect on readers or audience members.

Criterion C: 5

I felt that my presentation was very clearly structured and organized. I had a clear introduction which matched with my conclusion. I also presented my supporting evidence in the order that I introduced it.

Criterion D: 4

Aside from a few little slip ups, I felt my register and style were appropriately semi-informal. My points were clearly laid out and connected.

Total Score: 17

That sounds way too high to be even close to accurate but I wasn't sure where the best place was to dock points for time.

Guess it's time to start working hard to turn my Lincoln into a Baron!

Poetry Slammed

If you, reading this, know me at all, you know that Sarah Kay is my aspiration. She is the embodiment of everything I'd like to be.

She's half-Jewish, so that's a start.

 Now in this specific TED Talk, Kay mentions this quote from Jean Luc-Godard, a French-Swiss film director which reads, "a good story has a beginning, a middle and an end, although not necessarily in that order." So in the spirit of Mr. Luc-Godard, I'd like to begin at the end of this post, with my personal relationship to this talk-my beginning with Sarah Kay. 

I can't remember how many years ago it was that I first saw this talk. But I do remember feeling the chills that come when you're watching a great performance and wanting to know how this one person could write such beautiful things. And how on earth could I be like her? Thankfully, her talk was meant to teach audiences how to do just that. Well, okay, maybe not to be like her, but to write like her. That is, to write like yourself. 

Now is when we jump to the beginning: the summary of the talk, although I encourage you to watch and experience it in its entirety. Here are the arguments Sarah Kay presents, in order of descending importance (except not really because they're all terribly important):

#1: Everyone has stories the rest of us can learn from.

#2: Great stories start from intersections of what you're passionate about and what others might be invested in.

#3: Spoken word poetry, as a medium of telling stories, allows for immediate connections.

#4: The journey to becoming a spoken word poet has three steps: I can, I will, and do. This last step invites you to write what you know; infuse the work you're creating with the specific things that make you, you.

#5: Spoken word teaches that if you have the ability (which every one does) to express yourself and the courage  to present those stories and opinions, you could be rewarded with a room full of your peers, or your community, who will listen. 

And now for the middle piece. The whole point of this talk is to educate and inspire: to teach people how to become spoken word poets and to tell them why they should.

The intended audience is literally everyone. In the words of singer Brendan James, "Nobody started from the place that you started from, and nobody hopes to go, where you're hoping to go...'cause none of them are you." Sarah Kay preaches that everyone has stories the rest of us can learn from. Everyone has stories that are uniquely theirs and that deserve need to be told.

Sarah Kay uses ethos to establish credibility. She starts the talk with a spoken word poem of her own, so the audience knows she's the real deal. She mentions in the midst of the talk that she's been performing spoken word poetry since she was 14 and that she is the founder of Project V.O.I.C.E. (Which she later re-founded with Phil Kaye who is equally as fabulous.) She's made it a priority to educate and inspire people on the subject of spoken word poetry since she was in high school, and continues to do so to this day. 

She also uses pathos to make herself more personable. It can be a bit intimidating as a new writer to see this fantastic individual get up on stage and do so perfectly what you can only dream of doing. But Sarah Kay reveals her less-than-perfect side, admitting to the fact that she's nervous.  She even makes a point to say that every time she gets on stage, she feels nervous. 

This is incredibly effective, because it breaks down the inhibitions the audience might have to trying out spoken word poetry. It forces all those people inflicted with shyness or stage-fright or nervousness to think back to argument #4: "I can, I will, and do." 

And now, back to the end. As the first annual Millbrook High School Poetry Slam approaches in the coming week, I'm so thrilled to have re-discovered this TED talk for what's probably the 100th time. It always seems to come into my life right when I've forgotten and need it most. 

It was hard to get over my initial nervousness, to even consider entering myself into this slam competition. I've been told I have a habit of underestimating my strengths and overestimating my weaknesses, as the portrait/self-portrait assignment taught that many of us do. But with a lot of coaxing from friends, I finally hit the first step: I can. 

And (step two) I will. Because, connecting back to the Brendan James quote and Sarah's first argument, everyone has a story to tell. Our unique stories and our ability to share them are the core of what I believe makes us human. And Sarah Kay, along with her spoken word, has taught me that "if you have the ability to express yourself and the courage to present those stories and opinions, you could be rewarded with a room full of your peers, or your community, who will listen." 

And that's what I'm hoping to find next Thursday. A room full of people who will listen, and possibly connect, to a small piece of my story, on my journey to harness my inner Sarah Kay.

Now, all that's left is to do. 

Edit: I did it. And I won (: Thanks to all of you for your never-ending support! 

"Everyone's a Hero in Their Own Way"

The following post is written in response to prompt number 4: In your mind, are there any heroes in Double Indemnity? If so, who?

I'd like to start this post off the good ol' fashioned TOK way: with some definitions. For the purpose of this blog post we'll need to define the terms hero and superhero. 

A hero, according to Merriam-Webster, is the principal male character in a literary or dramatic work, a man admired for his achievements and noble qualities, or one who shows great courage. 

Wow, Merriam-Webster, how sexist can you be? Let's adjust that just a tad bit: A hero is the principal male character in a literary or dramatic work, a man or woman admired for his or her achievements and noble qualities, or one who shows great courage. 

That's much better! Now a superhero, again defined by Merriam-Webster, is a fictional character who has amazing powers, or a very heroic person. 

When discussing Double Indemnity, who can be considered a (super)hero? As Captain Hammer always says, "Everyone's a hero in their own way."

Captain Hammer. Corporate Tool.

Now if you've ever seen Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, you'll understand that defining people as 100% hero or villain is a tricky task. Just as The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde states, "even if [one] could rightly be said to be either, it [is] only because [one is] radically both."  

The first Double Indemnity heroine I'd like to propose is Lola Dietrichson. 

Her name was Lola. She was not a show girl.

She fits the definition of a hero because she's courageous. She speaks the truth in the face of the tragic deaths of her mother and father and inspires Walter Neff to get in touch with his own inner hero, to get rid of the movie villain, Phyllis Dietrichson.

That brings us to our second hero: Walter Neff, a classic case of villain turned good.

SHe's the main character of the movie and in the end, I did admire him. Sure, he was in on the evil scheme the whole time and commited a few murders. The first was out of nothing but evil. However, his second murder was made with good intentions. Sometimes you have to do the wrong thing for the right reasons. 

It's all for Lola. He takes a bullet for the girl, literally and metaphorically. He kills her wicked step-mother and even wins her boyfriend back. In the end, he tells the truth in a mighty act of courage, taking the suspicion off of Lola's lover, Nino, so they can live happily ever after together. He even asks Keyes to watch out for her when the case gets crazy. He may have started off indulging his evil side, but redeems himself in the end by setting things right.

The last hero I'd like to point out is the Claims Manager and Walter's good friend, Barton Keyes.

 Keyes isn't your average hero, though. He's a super hero. He's a heroic person, who utilizes his amazing power, in the name of all things righteous. Now, I know what you're thinking. How in the heck can this guy be considered a superhero? What power does he have? An amazing sense of intuition and an evil-detecting gut. 

He's hardly the MOST useless superhero, and I consider him to be the most heroic character of the entire film. He can sense when clients are up to no good and with his super smarts, and a lot of cigars, always solves the mysteries.

 He vouches for Walter's innocence and integrity, but doesn't let friendship get in the way of justice. In the final scene, when Walter rests, bloody in the doorway, Keyes calls him an ambulance, lights his cigarette, and, we can assume, remains with him until the police arrive. From there, Keyes most likely turned Walter and the cylinders of his testimony over to the police, let the truth spill out, and allowed justice to run its course. I bet he still took care of Lola, though, per Neff's final request.

Arguably, all the heroes named above could be spun and considered villainous. It really just depends in which light you look at them. An old Indian legend tells the tale of two wolves which live inside us all: one good, one evil. They're constantly battling for power. The one you feed is the one that wins. 

Although there is a lot of gray area when discussing heroes and villains, I'd say Lola, Walter, and Keyes, all prevail as heroes in the end.